Sample Rewrite (random email)

Because emails are short form copy, I’d recommend starting from scratch, using your existing copy as a beacon of inspiration.

With that being said, a copywriting makeover will work best for an email that only needs a minor tweak to strengthen it. Something like:

Improving a subject line
Adding/modifying a P.S.
Making the CTA stronger
Adding a sentence (or two) to tighten up the copy

The sample below is an actual email that was sent out years ago. I’m using it to demonstrate how I would rewrite existing copy.

For the sake of clarity, we will assume a couple of things:

These prospects have been screened and targeted as skeptics (perhaps downloaded a free offer of some sort)
Are on a making-money-at-home list

Note: I’ve limited the copywriting makeover to the opening portion of the email (subject line, down to the first link). Enough to see how a rewrite can improve a piece of existing copy.

Original email (slightly altered for anonymity)

Subject Line: To every skeptic out there…

Dear fellow skeptic,

First, let me dispel the inevitable doubts. Like: if the home-based system I’m contacting you about is so amazingly profitable, why divulge its secrets to you, a complete stranger and potential competitor?

And: why am I devoting resources to promoting it, instead of just making more money for myself with the home-based system itself? Well, actually I’m doing both. And quite successfully. But let me get to the first question.

The system is [XYZ], the one that for over a decade has been helping many thousands of people amass substantial riches selling hundreds of products as affiliates with [ABC] advertising. It’s all explained at:

[INSERT LINK TO SALES PAGE HERE]

Rewrite version (copywriting makeover)

Subject line options:

To all you skeptics out there…
Still skeptical? Here are your answers…
Build wealth from home [easily]…

Fellow skeptics,

I can hear you now…

“If this home-based system is as wildly profitable as you say, why reveal its secrets to me, a potential competitor?”

Or…

“Won’t flooding the marketplace with this bulletproof system shrink your revenue to a trickle?”

Both are great questions, and nearly identical to the ones I asked before taking that all-important first step, myself.

I’m going to answer them both for you in a moment. But first…

Does earning a few extra bucks a month interest you? What about a lot of extra bucks? What if I told you this home-based system has helped thousands of people just like you expand their bank accounts?

And has been doing so for ten straight years.

Not only is it possible to rapidly grow your wealth, getting started is easy, and setting everything up can take as little as an hour. Maybe two.

Curious how it works?

[INSERT LINK TO SALES PAGE HERE]

Critique: (concluding thoughts)

Keep in mind that a rewrite is sticking to the script and not redoing the piece with new ideas or any additional research.

In the rewrite, I infused a conversational tone throughout and made the message all about the prospect. Remember, prospects only care about what you or your product can do for them. Nothing else.

When I write, if a word doesn’t serve a specific purpose, it’s deleted. Remember, the goal is to make every word count.

Email copy is far more effective when concentrating on the quality of the message and not the quantity of words used to deliver it.

Trimming the fat from the sample above made the copy tighter and built suspense before asking for the click.

In this email makeover, I only went after the click-through. Generally speaking, sales pages (landing pages) are designed to do the heavy lifting. This promotion had one, so I wrote with that in mind.

Remember, words can be your friend, and are the weapon of choice when it comes to writing persuasive copy. But they can just as easily destroy your promotion. I recommend reading your copy out loud before hitting the send button.

If it sounds awkward, then it probably is.

And, one last thought…

It’s usually a good idea to introduce a [system’s] actual identity (XYZ) after the first link (and sometimes even later). For example try:

Building suspense with a want/desire/need/problem, then insert the initial link.
In the next block of copy, establish a solid benefit, introduce the system’s name, followed by another link.

You want to be careful not to give away too much information early on.

If you toss the kitchen sink at your prospect right away, and it fails to capture their interest, the rest of your promotion risks going unread, no matter how awesome your remaining copy might be.

Need a copywriting makeover?

So there you have it. If you have any piece of existing copy that needs a makeover, don’t hesitate to ask. Any, includes:

White papers
Case studies
Landing pages, sales pages, squeeze pages
Emails
Articles
Web pages
Or any other form of marketing copy

You can return to the services page here.